Mike's Astonishing Erotic Kung Fu Blog!
Actually, no Erotic content. We're just going for hits, and we know that people google for "erotic" much more often than "Fat Uncles" or "Kung Fu" or "Fat Jewish Kung Fu Mastery". For some reason, people just keep looking for Erotic content. It's like an evolutionary imperative or something. Who are we to argue? So, erotic erotic erotic etc. Really, these blog entries are about stuff Mike thinks is cool. Mostly martial arts related. No erotic content here. Move along. Unless you're turned on by Mike, in which case, sure. Stay around. He's flattered.
29 - April - 09. Saigon. Mike can't believe he's not in Saigon.
1 May 2009
Mayday! Mayday! Woohoo! Workers of the world, UNITE! --But, before I run off to my local Workers' Paradise Club to watch this year's Tanks and Tractors parade on the large screen television whilst I strike a fey pose at the bar and sip my single mault, I thought I'd check in here.
Avid followers of our podcast over the past year may recall that Robert decided to re-double his efforts at fat loss after seeing how well I was doing in martial arts (actually, I came home from China fifteen pounds lighter cos of some sort of dysentery, but we'll let Uncle Robert retain his illusions). However, over the past couple of years, Robert has put off some sixty pounds of fat, whereas I have simply been hovering around the three hundred pound mark, give or take twenty pounds in either direction.
Now, a few months ago, I had actually gotten down to 279lbs, down from a high the previous year of 314lbs. But, as you may have heard on our podcast, depression caught up with me, and dragged me below its murky depths. So, Spring being well underway, and Summer about to begin, I thought I'd start posting my "stats" every six weeks or so.
As of this morning, 07:00, I weighed in at 300.6lbs, with my blood pressure at 131/85 and a resting pulse rate of 79 bpm.
Sad, innit?
To be slightly fair to myself, I did have a variety of foods over the past two days that had high sodium content. So it is possible that my weight is being affected by that. We'll see what happens over the next six weeks.
One source of frustration is that I have lately been getting comments at both my kwoon and my dojo that I appear to be losing weight. Mr. Scale doesn't seem to think so, but to quote Chico Marx, "Who you gonna believe? Me, or your own eyes?" Even Robert has commented that I am now looking more rectangular than conical. But my fitter figure is not being indicated at all by my scale.
My ultimate goal? 220lbs, as far as my weight goes. But, in the short term, I think my first milestone should be a10% loss over the next four to six months. Which means that by January 2010, I should be around 270lbs. Will I succeed? Who can say? If I fail, you dear listeners/readers, may mock me without pity! Should I succeed, however, I shall accept your adulation.
Up the Workers, and Let the Games Begin!
4 May 2009
On this day in 1919, Chinese students in Beijing demonstrated in Tiananmen Square against the government's weak response to the Treaty of Versailles, and foreign imperialist encroachment upon Chinese sovereignty. These demonstrations sparked national protests and marked the upsurge of Chinese Nationalism, political mobilization as opposed to cultural activities, and a shift towards a populist base rather than an intellectual elite in national politics.
You see? Your Fat Uncles are educational as well as amusing!
But enough of this light-hearted banter:
This week in my martial arts training, I have been working on static leg strength. Lately when walking the bagua circle, I had been experienceing a sharp pain in my left knee. Now, bagua walking is rather difficult; one is expected to scissor one's legs as one walks. Knees and ankles must brush with each step, and one has to "sit" in stance. When I mentioned my knee pain to Master Sun, he suggested more static stance practice (zhan zhuang). Then, as he watched me, he noticed what I was doing wrong; When settling down into stance, I was told not to allow my knees to protrude out over my toes, and to keep my spine straight.
When I adapted my stance as directed, I found that it was much more difficult to get low. I never could practice in "lower basin," but I had been confident that I was in "middle basin" and doing well. At this point, I am now going to be restricted to "upper basin" work. At least for now. It's disappointing, but I have to admit; my knees no longer hurt when I walk the circle.
The problem, of course, is my obesity. I carry a lot of weight in front, and it tends to make me lean forward to retain balance, cos that posture puts my weight more evenly along the length of my quadriceps femoris. Keeping my knees aligned with my toes, and my back straight puts a lot of stress on the quad heads, just over the knees. this means that I really have to start practicing front squats in strict form in order to build up strength there. --And lose about seventy to a hundred pounds.
In addition, Master Sun has also adjusted my first two taolu; Ba Da Shi and Ba Mu Zhang. Whereas the forms were to be done whilst walking the circle, I am now to practice only the palm changes, without really walking between each change. This is in preparation for learning how to link the techniques at random, and how to change techniques as quickly as possible. Of course, walking the circle must still be practiced, but now I have a new way to practice the taolu I have been learning.
And I am hoping to start doing more two man drills and push hands practice with my classmate.
In my Shorinji class, Hanshi Brodman has been teaching dynamic stretching, and has been increasing "real fighting" drills. The dynamic stretching is fun, and is done at the end of class when we're already 'hot.' He has us execute the stretches, not by relaxing and pulling the muscles to be stretched, but by actively working the antagonistic muscle groups. It really is effective in increasing flexibility and strength.
I am still struggling with lunge-punching, and counter-punching. Everything has to be driven by the hips, to achieve maximum power; Alas, I carry a lot of my weight in my upper body. So it's very easy for me to move forward with my upper body weight. of course, this is far less efficient than what Hanshi Brodman is trying to teach me. *Sigh!* Practice, practice, practice!
I also have been doing (relatively) well with the "Yansu" kata, and have begun learning the rudiments of another kata. But most of the emphasis os on real combat drills. It's a tough class, but fun. I am not even a white belt, and I am in a class of black belt students. It really makes me work hard.
But it occurs to me that I have never talked much about the Okinawan martial art I study in addition to my Baguazhang. I shall have to compose another essay.
See you all next time!
11 May 2009
Well, so far this past week, I have been continuing to practice stance work as Master Sun directed; Knees and ankles together, and sinking down while keeping my knees even with my toes. It's difficult, but it has been keeping me pain-free. And in addition to the standard bagua taolu I practice whilst walking on the circle, I continue to practice only the palm changes as a taolu in and of itself. Master Sun says that this is preparing us to learn the Linking Form, wherein we'll have to perform palm changes at random and in rapid succession.
We also got to learn a few new application drills. I love doing those, only it's difficult to practice at home without a partner. Really, that's why in baguazhang, we have post practice, but to be honest, at more than 290 lbs, I am often nervous that I'll uproot the post, or break it if I press my weight against it.
At Shorinji class, last week was a lot of fun. Hanshi Brodman has us do combat drills every class, and that includes doing lunge punches, counter punches, and "boxer" punches through a small target ring, held by a partner. We also get to practice various blocking and striking drills. This past week, we were doing low side kicks, kicking target bags across the dojo floor whilst trying to reach a target pad that Hanshi was holding, and to strike it as well. That was fun, chasing him around the room!
But my favourite was a "dodge and evade" drill; someone would come at us, swinging or throwing a large target bag at us, and we had to evade, shift out of the way, or duck. My favourite move was to sidestep in very close, turning so that I ended up right behind my attacker. I was thinking of my baguazhang strategy, but apparently, the Okinawans do the same thing. the main difference being that the Okinawans come in striking hard and straight.
Later, after class, Hanshi Brodman commented that I was "very powerful," but that it was vital that I lose weight. We used to weigh me every week after class, and he wants to start that again. It's probably a good idea, honestly. He thinks that my technique, my speed, and strength will improve tenfold if I can get rid of eighty to a hundred pounds. That actually put me into a bit of a funk, as many people have been commenting that it looks like I am losing weight. Alas, Mr. Bathroom Scale disagrees.
Honestly though, I have been trying to outrun the doughnut this past week as well. But, as we all know, this is impossible. I haven't been eating vast amounts of food, but I have been falling into a bad habit of forgetting to eat regularly. When that happens, I get tired, and then when it's too late, realize it's actually hunger. But tired and hungry people tend to make poor choices. And that's what I did. It's time to break out the food-and-workout notebook again. Slightly more than being a good martial artist, I am rather keen not to develop diabetes or severe heart disease before I'm fifty. And, I hope, not to do either for a very lo-o-oo-ong time after I'm fifty, either.
Any questions? Any answers? Any one for an after dinner mint? Contact me a fatuncles@fatuncles.com. You'll be glad you did!
14 May 2009
Earlier this week, I went to visit Uncle robert at his home. Now, Robert lives in a townhouse that is, shall we say, "vertical." It's constructed rather like the old Trinity Style houses of Old City in Philadelphia, in that each major segment of the house is on a different floor. So the living room/kitchen is on one floor, the bathroom, bedroom, and office are on another floor, and the workout room/garage are on yet another level. Needless to say, there are a lot of steps in this house. Think of how inconvenient that can be if you're down on the lowest level, lifting weights, and then realizing that you need to use the toilet; You have a two-flight climb ahead of you.
Anyway, this is actually very good for regular exercise and conditioning, having to run up and down stairs all day. I however, live in a single floor home with no stairs at all! (And before you call me a wimp or a sissy, I'll have you know that when I lived in Taiwan, I resided on the thirteenth floor of my apartment building, and I regularly took the stairs rather than the elevator. So there.) This past week, when I would get up to use the facilities, I went up the steps relatively slowly, and with some effort, as if I were extremely fatigued. And this happens rather often when I visit Robert. I even have had to put out effort to squeeze in and out of Robert's car. And, as Robert noted, this behaviour occurs on days just after a hard and heavy workout (I normally go to Robert's on Wednesday to do the podcast, and I have normally spent the previous evening from 19:30 to 21:00 training at Hanshi Brodman's dojo, and then getting to bed well after 23:00. On other days, when I have not been training, I have no trouble at all, bouncing around with, not only vim, but vigor as well!
But lately, it seems that every time I go to visit, I am drained and fatigued.
As you may remember from our podcast of two or three broadcasts ago, Robert, noting my fatigue, told me that I was overtraining. "Impossible," thought I. "If anything, I should be working harder!" but, as Uncle Robert pointed out, I am going to martial arts classes four times in a week, and still trying to exercise heavily on the three days I do not go. Some of that practice actually includes "injuring" myself so as to condition my arms and hands. And that I am now in my forties, and recovery takes much longer than it once did when I was younger. What to do? What to do?
Robert suggested that I adjust my training schedule to allow more time for rest and recovery between sessions. After all, if I run myself into the ground, I am not doing much for my health. What Robert suggested sounded drastic to me; but because I am training daily, it really is more a matter of "redistributing" the effort I will be expending in a week. Since I am going to classes four times per week, he suggested that I needn't work so hard on the taolu and kata and their applications on my three off days. On two of the off days, I should lift-- and NOT on those days I go to class. The lifting itself would be restricted to two sets per exercise, no more than three or four reps each set (so it will be strength sets, not volume or endurance). And on the one day of the week left, I should do a bit of light cardio, and do no more than ten or fifteen minutes of iron body conditioning.
Indeed, Hanshi Brodman has given similar, though not similarly detailed, advice on training. That is, on class days, only practice kata and taolu. Not with force, but as "motion studies." On days after class, increase the workload a bit. And on the days after that, go all out. This is what the old sports coaches called periodization in their training routines. And it is a useful principle to remember if you're no longer a spring chicken with boundless energy.
In any case, I plan to practice stance work and forms daily, every morning; because they can be done gently and without a lot of stress. I would be practicing for skill and not power. On Tuesdays and Fridays, there will be Shorinji class, a hard workout indeed! On Saturday and Sunday there will be Baguazhang class-- not quite as hard, but still not so easy. --The difference between the two to me is that Shorinji is like sprinting whilst Bagua is more like distance running. Then on Monday and Thursdays I can lift weights--Kettlebell work, standard Olympic style, and Okinawan chisei work. Maybe even doing forms with arm and leg weights on. I'll have to vary the lifting routines from month to month. And then on Wednesday, I can concentrate on conditioning and technique practice.
That's my plan, anyway. Let's see how well it works for me, eh? I'll keep you posted!
20 May 2009
Well! My plans to not exercise myself into the ground are not going quite as well as I'd hoped. It's not easy to be a martial artist if you're starting out in your forties, lemme tell yer. A word of avdice-- Don't get old if you're not in good shape. Cos it's fweakin' tough!
Anyway, this past week, I've been getting to work on conditioning a lot. Hanshi Brodman has been showing me how to properly condition my hands. This condition comprises two parts: The actual toughening of my skin and tissues so that they can withstand delivering the amount of force my body is capable of delivering, and the actual physical strengthening of my wrists and forearms. I have been working at it against my tree, iron palm bags, makiwara, shuto block and kokikutai. I have so far succeeded in bruising my knuckles and injuring my wrist. But, my hands are indeed becoming tougher.
The strengthening work I have been doing has been with Okinawan chisei (I really hope I am spelling the Japanese terms properly...). Essentially, they are meter long sticks with weights at one end, perhaps ten pounds, or twenty pounds. Exercises consist of various movements with the weight as fully extended as possible. It puts a heck of a lot of stress on the wrists and forearms. And I must say, I was really impressed with my workout partner-- He's a skinny little kid, and yet he can fling the chisei around like toys (at least the light ones that I use)! And he has a punch that drills right through you! I am impressed by this particularly because of the heavy weightlifting I do; I can deadlift three hundred pounds, I can clean and press one hundred and seventy five pounds, and yet, I can barely lift a twenty pound chisei from the far end!
In the world of Chinese martial arts, Master Sun has been completing a bagua training ground at his home, and I have been going to his place when I can to practice. This consists of a lot of practice with the posts of the Nine Palace arrangement; I step behind the post, striking with my shoulder going in, and striking with my hip as I step behind and around. Good moves if you're close enough to an opponent. Also, I got to practice some fa jin striking on the heavy bags Master Sun has set up. I was able to set myself between two heavy bags filled with sand and a gravel, and practiced striking to my sides. And, on this past Sunday evening, one of Master Sun's top Taijiquan students was working at class, and actually complimented me that my movements were becoming much cleaner than the last time she'd seen me. I was dead chuffed.
But this week has been difficult for me. Weekends are always hard, because Friday night at Hanshi Brodman's dojo is always an intense workout comprising kata practice, basic technique, and then kiskei (real fighting) drills and conditioning. The next morning, I am up and off to master Sun's for Baguazhang. That class comprises taolu practice, stretching, tuishou (push hands), and fa jin. And then, Sunday night I'm at Master Sun's again. It's all exhausting over the course of three days, cos the classes are all intense (Though to be fair, the Shorinji class is like windsprinting, and the baguazhang class is like doing a long distance jog. Both are intense, but in different ways.).
Although I have been practicing at home, I was so tired and sore I must confess that I did not go to class on Tuesday night. Yes, I am ashamed. I need to re-organize my workouts and training sessions to make sure I have enough energy for all my classes. The classes are the most important, I think, because that's when my teachers have opportunity to correct my forms and techniques. I suppose it would be easier if I weighed two hundred pounds instead of three hundred, but Hey! That's why I am doing all of this to myself in the first place!
Well, in another four weeks or so, I shall be posting my weight again, measurement around the waist, blood pressure, and resting pulse. And I will start another round of videos so we can all see whether or not my martial arts are getting any better. In fact, I'm going to have to start posting some of my Shorinji practice as well as my Bagua.
Stay with us! And remember-- Don't even try to outrun the doughnut!
30 May 2009
Well, things have been both fun and exciting in my wonderful world of Martial Arts. At Hanshi Brodman's I have been learning about proper kicking technique, learning to refine my basic lunge punch and counter-punch, and basic blocking. Also, I am trying to perfect a peculiar Shorinji technique, a shuffling half step that precedes the main lunge punch. It's a lot harder than it looks, I can tell you!
With Master Sun, I continue to work on my basic taolu, and the "abreviated" taolu that is to prepare me for linked palms, swimming body, and freestyle work. But today, as my bagua partner was able to attend today (he sometimes misses class, cos he's in the National Guard and has real obligations every month or so), we began practicing the palm changes of our taolu as practical attack-and-defend drills.
Fairly routine stuff for martial arts study, I grant you. But it reminds me of the vast differences between my two teachers' styles of instruction. One teaches according to Chinese tradition. The other, according to Okinawan/Japanese tradition. --I'll leave you, gentle reader, to figure out which does which.
I have been with Master Sun for six years now. For the first four or five years, he simply put me in with the general student population. Of course, I wanted to learn Baguazhang from the start. But I was practicing only a bit of Bagua, and mostly, I was being taught Taijiquan and Xingyiquan basics. Only within the past eighteen months, about the end of 2007, has Master Sun been instructing me in Bagua in earnest. And even now, I have only begun to learn applications for combat.
In contrast, I have been with Hanshi Brodman for about a year and a half, since the end of 2007. From the beginning, he has been teaching me basic techniques of punching and kicking. Also, he's been giving me a lot of supplemental exercises to improve arm and wrist strength, iron body conditioning, and even methods to improve my balance and coordination for Chinese martial arts. After about nine months to a year, Hanshi started to teach me kata.
So-- it seems that the Chinese method is to wait, see if the student will be tenacious before teaching anything. Then, concentrate on taolu for long months or years before teaching applications. The Okinawan way is almost directly opposite. They teach combat useful techniques right away. Of course, the reasons are that, one the Chinese side, if a Master is going to invest his time and knowledge in a student, he wants to make sure that the student is dedicated and will persevere no matter what. And then, they spend long years working on taolu and basic exercise in order to teach the student how to move and carry themselves physically. Only after a good base has been formed does the Chinese master deign to teach combat useful techniques. The Okinawan method is to train the student for combat right away. The student's character is observed during the training, and the basics in which they are trained are the combat useful techniques. All the kata are sequences of combat techniques, and a great deal of time is spent on conditioning the body to both dispense and take a great deal of punishment.
Why? I suppose a lot of it is cultural, and a lot of it has to do with the historical settings in which the respective martial arts of China and Okinawa developed. China never really faced an existential threat in its long history. They were overrun by several foreign powers, but she always ended up absorbing them. China was a vast, wealthy, and civillised country very early on. Things were stable. Why, as early as the Tang dynasty, some generals were already espousing the idea that martial arts could be adapted for health-preserving exercises for the masses. Okinawa, on the other hand, went through a period in which it was almost constantly under threat from pirates, raiders, samurai clans, and so on. Traditionally, the Okinawans were just fishermen, and had very few weapons. If they were to defend themselves, their families, and their lands, they had to learn effective methods of fighting, and do so quickly.
This is not to say that Chinese martial arts are less useful than Okinawan martial arts when it comes to combat. Only that Chinese martial arts emphasizes good health, and long life. The Okinawan martial arts emphasize real fighting capability. --And you could argue that being able to handle yourself well in a fight certainly can preserve your health! But this is the reason that Chinese martial arts seem to take so long before they become "combat-ready," I think. They are different approaches to achieving similar things.
Now, what the frell is my point? No point. Just thinking. And filling up blog space.
Next-- My observations on the different teaching styles between Chinese and Okinawan masters.